without love...life is doris day at the apollo...

so its been forever since i wrote in this. my bad. i'm going to try to do better during the school year.

in a nutshell.
i finished work.
i grew closer to some people i never thought i would.
i grew farther from some others i never thought i would.
i grew a lot.
now i'm back at school.
juggling the 2 different lives again.
living in a house with a nice girl.
she seems to get it better than most.
i go to school.
i hate it and wonder why the hell im here.
i go to work.
i love it because all i do is sit and watch tv and get paid while i do my homework.
life is moving fast, but i have a feeling its about to slow way down.


i want to mainly brief you on the topic of friendship. i have the worlds greatest friends and i would be willing to go to trial to prove it if i had to. i would win hands down because have the type of friends who make me feel less alone.


in our world, it's normal to feel alone.
actually it's normal to be alone.
we each have our own minds.
no one else can even see into them.

almost everyone i know feels... in one way or another... alone. like they are in this game of life by themselves.

people are either:
a. alone in distance, space, and time
or
b. completely surrounded but lonely nonetheless

this is common. people feel this all the time. when they are away from everyone they feel alone. when they are with people they still feel alone and misunderstood. we all fight a day to day battle against this. there seems to be no escape.

but i found one.

c.s.lewis said that friendship is born when one person say to another, "really....you too. i thought i was the only one."

i'm not a normal person. i would say i'm kinda weird. kinda geeky. kinda dorky. kinda cool. kinda nice. kinda mean. kinda strange. kinda normal. kinda fun. kinda not. BUT despite all of this....i've found people who get me. thats why my friends are the best. i can feel completely alone and misunderstood, but as soon as i look into their eyes i know they're in this with me. the whole world disappears and for right then and there it about us. its about having a team to back me up in life.

i don't know how i've found these people either. it's not like i go out searching for them or taking surveys to find the best ones. its something bigger. i almost feel like they've been sent to me. maybe by someone who's keeping an eye out. someone who knows that divided we will fall and united we might have a chance at standing.

with all this in mind....sometime i wonder why i have such trouble being in relationships. i'm starting to think that its because i see it all as the same. what is the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone? to me its just sex and thats kinda scary to me. is sex the only difference? mabye thats why i have so much trouble with this. maybe i just don't get it. sometimes i wonder if i ever will.



in other news...
the life that is "the college wasteland" has been on my mind mabye i'll talk about it next.