when it rains...

to know it's real...
it has to hurt.

to love someone so much it hurts....
is reality.


distance is my killer. it will be the death of me. i know. i can tell already.

the people i'm around all the time are the ones who i think about....the ones who change me day to day are the one who chain my heart. but as the distance grows....the chains loosen. i don't know if i feel trapped and need to break free or if i just look for the easy way out. either way all i do is end up hurting other people....and me. i don't want it to be like this. i don't want to lose contact with best friends.....i don't want to get detached from boyfriends enough to run to someone else ONLY because they're there. when i need comfort...i guess i need it immediately. when i need someone....anyone.....i run to the person i can get to fastest. all my relationships with my friends and family and everyone has been based around this. i hate it. i want there to be a set limit of love i have for people. i want to love people because of who they are....not because of where they are.

its amazing how much we fight for each others love. its amazing how much loving someone else can hurt.
to want to be the person they need.
to need to be the person they want.
it's soooo hard. to be away and have to listen to your friends talk about having fun without you and not be the person they need to tell things to...kills. it hurts to not share the memories. jealousy.....is the killer of love.....the killer of friendship.

i am jealous of every other person
who has ever made you laugh.
who has ever made you cry.
who has ever share a secret with you.
who has ever know anything about you that i didn't.
who has ever made you change.
who has ever meant anything to you.

i am a killer

in a way we're all like this with every person we meet. we need to mean everything.....

there is one girl i know who can do this....shes managed to make every person she's ever met think that to her they were the world. she has destroyed more hearts than she'll ever know. but she has shown me the key....to go into relationships knowing that at some point you'll only 2nd best. if you go in thinking this....you wont ever get hurt.

if you ever love someone and don't feel jealous then you don't really love that person.
we all must be killers
to really love we must destroy at the same time.