i want to move on.
everyone is so full of talk. they talk about what they want to do, what they want to be, who they are......but that's where it stops. no one ever does anything. for some reason or another they find an excuse to just stop there. to never fulfill what they are talking about. well yes...its true there are circumstances, but this is life....the only one you have. i'd really hate to wake up when i'm 80 and have a million regrets and tell my grandkids...."well i had the chance to do this....but i didn't" or "i could have be a great ____, but i was too scared".
no thank you.
i'm using the one life i have and i'm going to do things the way i want to do them. fuck what everyone else tells you to do. there is no right and wrong. its all based on someone elses terms. you decided what you think is right and what you think is wrong.
and also no one else can tell you what you'll be good at. thats something that will surprise you when the time comes.....its best to try to do whatever it is thats in your heart. thats where the real strength of greatness will come from. its from your heart that your talents will spawn. not your head.
great thinkers were albert einstein um....nixon....haha.....lindsay lohan. they are people who really use their heads. they thought out everything they did with great consideration. look where it got them.....minus einstein. were any of them really happy.
people who listened to their hearts.....jfk, martin luther king, j.k. rowling, harriet tubman.....they didn't worry about what their heads were telling them to do....they listened to their hearts. look where it got them.....some on the worlds greatest heroes.
i don't really want to go back to school. i don't care who thinks i'm smart or who think i'm capable of doing a good job of something. i'd rather be a good person. that is what is going to make me happy.
stp told be i'm going to be a runner and maybe she's right. i have an entire world to change.....why stay around in one place. there are so many people out there who could be my next best friend, they could be the one person who needs me. i'm tired of trying so hard with people who don't appreciate what i'm trying to give them. i have, however, found some great people at work. i always seem to. maybe its just the mix of random people.....from so many walks of life. they've changed me already. they all have such different stories. thats what i want....i want a story to tell people and to hear everyone else's.
oh life.
how i wish i could spend my life doing nothing but enjoying other people's company....staring for hours at the stars....listening to music....watch movies and tv.....do a lot of drugs....and make a difference....i would have been an amazing hippie.
5 comments:
who's stopping you. If you want to move on...move on. Because if you are saying thats what you want to do...and you don't then your entire blog was hypocritical...because you would be talking and not doing.
i am moving on. thank you. that's what my entire blog was about. thats what i think now....its different...thus the changing and moving on. what i want to do...i do it. how many other people can say that? i have no regrets. how is that hypocritical at all?
well i was really just mad when i wrote that because I really feel that when you say things like what you wrote...you are saying that people such as myself are no longer good enough for you just because my future goals are now straying from yours. Just because we have different goals for the future doesn't mean that I havn't/still value your friendship. And sometimes I think that you use this "I have to go off and meet all these great people thing" as a way to escape the reality of the fact that your old friends are always going to change(and because I am changing does that mean I am not longer a good person...because somehow I don't think that???)...but the thing is that you can accept the reality of that and continue to love and know them for who they are....or you can in essence drop them because their ideals are no longer identical to your own... and I guess that is your call. I just know that I don't wanna sit here and have to feel bad about myself for my goals/fears/wishes/things that make me happy/anything and everying just because lately they seem to be different from your own. And thats why I wrote that out of anger...because I was personally hurt/upset by what you wrote. So I am sorry. I don't really know what to do anymore. I feel like things have changed faster than Day and Night and I just don't know what to do at all anymore.
i'm really confused because if you thought i wrote that because i'm scared of people changing...then you don't know me at all.
i was in fact trying my best to push the change you are trying to make. i want you to do what YOU want for once. all this change you say you're going through, its just talk. i haven't seen anything that would classify as some sort of change....i hear about it all the time.
so i don't care if you hate me for it, but i will be the one that pushes you to actually do something about it....otherwise i would hate both of us.
and i have NO idea where most of what you said in your attack on me even came from....
1.) i never said your not good enough....your the one that wants nothing to do with me.
2.) i have no idea what your goals are...and i could care less if they are different than mine...i never thought they were the same to begin with.
3.)i am completely aware that people are changing...i want them to. thats what my entire blog was about. all that stuff i said about being able to move on right now if i wanted is good. you're the one that runs back to the few ideal friends you have here.
4.) i really don't care that much if you are a good person either...i'm not god....i don't get to judge what is good and what's bad. i just get the feeling that you really want to be everything your not, but your too scared to be it because of some "good and bad" label. i want you to be happy...not good.
5.) if your making this my call...then i take it your done trying and you've also just attacked me for about 10 things that i've never thought or said...so my call would not be the greatest one i don't think
6.) and whatever you are feeling bad about....has nothing to do with me...and i'm tried of getting blamed for it. i have for the past half a year at least.
7.) i'll forgive you for what you said out of anger....but i'm tired of everyone using that as an excuse to tell what they really feel.
8.) whatever change you are referring to i have had no part of cause i haven't talk to you or seen you.
i don't know what you want.....you want some big change. what is this change you want and why do you want it? personally i think everything you said to me was really about you.....but i could be wrong. my entire blog was about trying to support you....but you being too scared of change to go out and find it. i want you to find it.
i'm really not sure you even read my blog....read it again. if you still honestly think the same thing....then i guess you can think what you want. i'm sorry thats who you think i am.
ps...what made you think this was just about you....
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