live like you were dying...

i've really been embracing the small town life that last couple days.

i love it.

if i ever get a family i want to raise my kids in a small town....i think it just makes you a different type of person. a dreamer. a person with a genuine love inside of them.

anyways carlock.....haha....well lets just say it has it's own beauty. it might be known for its drug dealers and people without purpose, but in fact the heart is big within it. thursday i hung out with shane and we walked around and went to the restaurant to get cokes....haha i felt like i was back in the 1960's....then later that night we went to the park with darien and spent a long time just enjoying the carlock stars...they are quite a sight and the fireflies were out....so beautiful. it's really an experience everyone needs to see. the constant, but random flickering is just the right mix of calmness and excitement. you never know when or where the next flicker will occur, but you know its coming soon. and the stars are so distinct and defiant. its chilling to think that everyone that has ever lived here on earth has slept under those same stars. everyone is connected.

then tonight after sarah's rehearsal....the three of us went to the movie....they project it on a big semi and everyone in the town lays out under the stars and watches it. it was like an old drive in. everyone there and just enjoying the night. that's what summer is suppose to be. actually thats what life is suppose to be. free of worry. just feeling safe and happy. i really need a reminder of that.

i love my friends.
to be able to find other people who are willing to lay for hours under the sky when there are 500 channels of junk to fill their minds with.
or people who will really talk to you....share their fears and dreams....without worrying about losing part of their heart in the process.
or even the people who will give you call even though they think your busy, because all they want is to just be with you.

these past few days i've been able to sit under a sky with a person on either side of me.

a sky that should make me feel alone and small and unimportant.

but somehow has made me feel alive and strong.

i think i needed a reminder, that we aren't alone no matter how lonely we feel.



tomorrow is sarah's wedding. crazy. i can't believe one of my closest friends over the past 8 years is getting married. i've seen her grow up completely and it just makes me feel old and makes me want to live like i am going to die tomorrow.

i don't have time to spare....none of us do.