religion is such a tricky subject. which is why it is avoided at all costs and (if traced back in time) the ultimate cause for almost every monumental world event. why is this?
because it deals with the scariest of human emotions.
faith.
religion is choosing to believe..... and believing can be the hardest of tasks that we deal in our lives.
its just seems too easy
to avoid.
to lie about.
to forget.
to push aside.
to disregard.
to be deemed innate.
being raised in a moderately christian active family....i've wrestled with believing a lot over the years. i was taught the bible....taught to pray....taught to be a good person....but forced to believe. it was just one of those things that was understood.....that you were christain. no questions asked.
at no point in my life.......did i ever say that what i was taught was wrong, but i have definitely questioned why i believe what i do.
looking back i think the best thing that happened was that i was raised in a non-denominational setting....and i wasn't part of a church. i wasn't enrolled in a private christian school like all my cousins. i was given the time and the space to choose what i believed (haha as long as it was christian). i feel like so many people today are christian (or whatever religion they choose) for the sole fact that its routine in their lives. they grew up going to church, they went to sunday school, they picked up the beliefs everyone around them had. they were classically conditioned to believe a certain way.
me on other hand....i made a well-aware decision to believe what i do. i know more about the bible that most church people and think i live a better life than most people who call themselves christian. everyday my beliefs change because i let everything in this world that God has created influence me in every way it can. i'm not ashamed of what i believe and i believe it with all my heart because i've processed it in my head, my heart, and my life. for me it makes me a stronger person.
i can't claim a certain faith because i hold too many different beliefs. now i know why religion goes hand in hand with faith. its all about having the faith....the courage....the power....to believe. it's fucking hard. its the ultimate battle. its the battle of a lifetime.
i know that for me God is real. i can't look at anything in the world around me and for one second believe that he's not. the world is too beautiful to not think that life is more than just living.
i think this world is our test.....every second of everyday we are faced with choices.
i think that sin is what God expects.....when we do something unsinful it shocks him. he gives us so many chances and forgives us over and over. he knows were human and we have to stumble and fall before we can pick ourselves up with the strength to change.
God is all about Love. Love your neighbor as yourself. love is patient and kind. this is what i hold above all else and its the one
that throws me the most. i really love people. i love my parents. my family. my friends. i love love love them. truly and deeply. and when i find people that i love who don't believe in what i do or do sinful things in my eye.....what am i suppose to believe?that they're bad people.....cause i can't.
i know what i think is wrong, but i can't stare in someone eyes who is nice, kind, funny, takes pride in life and is a genuinely good person and say "oh well you're going to hell" cause i really don't believe that. i don't think thats how God works. God has to know. he has to know that these so called "sinners" in the church's eye are worth soooooo much more than 10 of these "christian" people who follow the rules, but are just bad people. i know i've done "bad" things in my life and i don't really believe that god will hold that against me because he knows where my heart is.
its with him. i know hes counting on me to change people lives, but not threw they way the bible tells me.....through the way he tells me personally. i hear him everyday. he's not telling me to preach and teach what people 2000 years ago believed about what to eat and how to worship or even what is sinful....hes telling me to live my life in a way that will bring people to know the good part of life. the part of life he wanted when he created this world and before we screwed it up.
he doesn't want me to judge people because they don't believe what i do
or that they do drugs or drink
or that they say bad words
or that they choose to have sex before marriage
or that they are attracted to the same sex
or that they do any of the other numerous things that people with narrow minds can't see beyond.
he wants me to show them love, friendship, trust, loyalty, humor, and faith. faith that people can be good. faith life should be enjoyed. faith that judging is the worse of sins because only he is allowed that privilege. faith that mistakes are made. faith that forgiveness is real. faith that GOD LOVES EVERYONE DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY LET HIM DOWN. and most importantly faith that GOD IS REAL.
whether hes a real person.....
whether the bible is true....
whether heaven and hell exist.....
whether jesus really did died to forgive us of our sins.....
no one on this earth can say.
its about believing. choosing. and living. thats all we can do.
and thats where my faith lies. it lies with a God that is powerful....but caring. Angry....but forgiving. and sooooo very real.....but still a mystery.
Jamie: How can you see places like this... and have moments like this and not believe?
Landon: You're lucky to be so sure.
Jamie: It's like the wind. I can't... see it, but I feel it.
for me personally....i want to thank God for giving up his son's life for mine. i not sure i could do that. i want to thank Jesus for willing dying to save me even though its me who's the sinful person and not him. i'm not sure i could do that either. i want to thank God for always helping me...through all the lapses of faith and all the stumbles and helping me find someone inside of me who i am proud to be. please help me help others do the same.
amen.
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