bye bye my brown eyes...smile like the sunrise

so i just got back from tutoring today....haha...i've decided i'm the worst excuse for a role model ever. they have us "bradley" kids come tutor/mentor at this school that pretty much defines ghetto in hopes of getting the kids motivated to attend college.

well....today my kid asked what i did in college and i made the mistake of saying, "um...i study a lot. i don't know its pretty much just like regular school."

mistake.

he in turn replied, "yuck...i hate studying. i'm not going there to do that anymore."

strike out.

i just ruined a life. i tried to redeem myself by saying well its a lot of fun and i love being there...blah...blah...blah. complete bullshit. how am i suppose to encourage something i feel is a waste of time. ok so i'm not against education, i'm not stupid. i know how life in america works. no college = no money = no life.

but for the 1 1/2 years i've attended this ridiculously overpriced university....i feel the only thing i've truely learned is how to be jaded and paranoid.

i would like to state for the record that my major is listed as one of the hardest majors at Bradley, but i rarely tell people that cause i feel ridiculous doing it. i'm mean c'mon i don't have to take pathophysiowhatever or learn 500 different terms that relate to how a building is made. what people see when they look at the work i do....is a lot of fun computer tricks, making movies, and taking pictures. yeah well its not so fun when you have to work 18 hours straight to put out a piece of artwork that you really aren't even proud of. it makes you feel like you're doing a hell of a lot of work for something people will look at for roughly 6.25 seconds, go "wow....that's really cool," and then move on with the rest of their lives. i like what i do....don't get me wrong.....i love what i do, but its that whole question of business vs. art. there something so unsettling with putting a due date on creativity. the pressure of being forced to produce "amazing" is soooo stressful.

hey maybe thats reason number 2 why i can't sleep.

anyways....i'm tired of complaining and something else has just been brought to my attention. gah.....girl drama...more on that later.